The Longest Birth Story in History...is still not over, lalala

mmmm. cake.

sooo, we were on our way to the hospital at 4am on wednesday march 14th, 2 days before our scheduled c-section. baby sc was apparently ready to come on out, and my contractions were just a few minutes apart. again, you can't really fathom the pain of labor until you've experienced it. so while andrew was focused on driving very carefully, i was in the passenger seat about to implode from the pain. this is the copy/paste of the facebook status i posted on the way to the hospital:

Mar 14, 2012

4:37am

Miranda Helterman Ritner

Don't want to text and wake the family, so posting here - I'm in some kinda labor, and we are heading to the hospital at 430 ish. No idea if we will deliver the babymuffin today, but I will ask for prayers, please. Ow!

Via Facebook for Android

i was so glad that i had already pre-registered over the phone months before so we could avoid that rigamarole once we arrived, and get straight to the labor/delivery unit, and most important, the DRUGS. also, i did my pre-op information the week before due to the scheduled c-section. so, we were double-registered, wheee! after we got a little lost on the way (there are SEVERAL backroads that make up the "town" of Loris), we finally got there at 4:45am, and andrew dropped me off at the emergency room and then went to park. i went in, and...ummm, hello? NO ONE. HELLOOO? andrew came in and was speaking pretty quickly, "okay, we ready? what? where is everybody? where is ANYbody? helloooo?" we finally saw someone through some glass doors and windows and they waved us in. it was the registration area. i told the lady my name and that i had pre-registered, and she said okay and then proceeded to RE-register me, with all of the same questions i had answered months before AND the week before. i told the lady, in-between contractions when i couldn't BREATHE, dammit, that nothing had changed from either of the PREVIOUS two registrations, BUT we had to continue with a full 20 minute inquisition. *sigh*

so, we got done with that, and a nurse chick came from the l/d floor with a wheelchair for me and took us up. they wheeled me into one of their seriously awesome l/d suites, which is all comfy and high-tech and huge. i changed into a hospital gown in the bathroom and asked andrew the first time, of what was apparently more than 100 times, HOW our dog ruby was going to get to the vet for boarding. i kept asking and he was trying really hard to be patient with me, but i wouldn't even let him finish texting people before i asked again. :) lalala. so our nurse came in, tara or tonya or tammy? i don't know, t-something, and she was really nice. i'm all, "hi. can i have an epidural? i'm miranda. can i have an epidural? this is my husband andrew. you guys got some drugs or what?" nurse t put the monitors on me and said that she would talk to the dr about medication. but FIRST...another registration!!! MOTHER. F$&K. are you *&^%@# kidding me?! i SERIOUSLY had to answer ALL the same questions from the first 3 registrations, all while contracting like a mofo. and because i kept having to stop and couldn't breathe during the pain, it took more than 45 minutes, plus all the vitals she had to take, AND she couldn't even ASK the dr about meds until we were done with all the questions. so, i'm basically dying from contractions, still bugging andrew every 3 seconds about ruby's vet transport, and still asking if i can go ahead and get them drugs.

she's CRAFTY. she gets AROUND...

the monitor that's charting my contractions was behind me and andrew was watching the line go up and down, and COMMENTING. yep: "ooooo, you just had a bad one. ... this next one wasn't as bad, though. ... oooo, THIS one looks ROUGH ... "  i had a REALLY bad one and i said, afterwards because i couldn't breathe during, "oh my GOSH, that was the worst one yet," and andrew. looking at the monitor, was all, "no. nope, that one wasn't really that bad, lookin at this monitor--" the nurse walked in and said, "the NEXT wave that shows is the contraction she just had - it's one contraction behind." so THEN he was all, "oh, WOW, honey, that was a REALLY bad one," i'm all, teeth gritted, "i knooooow."
SO.  we had gotten in the hospital at 4:45am, were done with first registration by 5:30am or so, and finally got the dr's okay to give me something for the pain at 6:30am -- apparently my ob was the dr on call, thank GOD, which meant that whatever happened, it wouldn't be that other dr in the practice. shoooooo!!! so the nurse gave me some medication with a name that was a mix between albuterol and tributary. albutary? tributol? i don't remember, either way, it really helped ease the pain, AND made me shake violently.

at some point, it was decided that i would have an emergency c-section at 7:00am. the baby was RETT TO GO, and still very much breech, and it would be safer to go in and get her. which was fine with me -- i had already mentally prepared for a c-section, and really wasn't disappointed ONE TEENY IOTA not to have a vaginal delivery. i know there are advantages and disadvantages to both kinds of deliveries, but having my hoo-ha potentially rip apart has never been part of my birthplan wish list. so the anesthesiologist came in and AGAIN, i answered a bunch of the same questions as during my 38 previous registrations, plus ALL the same questions i had answered during my pre-op visit with the main anesthesiologist. my main concern there was that both my twin sister and my mother had had their anesthesia stop working and had FELT their c-sections as they were happening. my poor sister even TOLD her anesthesiologist about my mom's trouble and when she told him she could still feel what was going on, THEY DIDN'T BELIEVE HER. oh my gosh, can you imagine the nightmare?? so, i explained my tolerance for numbing-type drugs, that it takes about 4x the novacaine for dental work, that i felt my LASIK surgery because the drops weren't strong enough, etc.
aaaaannndd ...

i have to stop because my poor little baby just had her 4-month shots today and she is MISERABLE. :( she is about to wake up, and i will finish the birth story later! thank you to anyone who is reading this. if you ever want to post something here, about your experiences or feelings or whatever, please just let me know - i don't have to use your name if you don't want me to.

shoot, me TOO.